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Employers eagerly shared some of their most cringe-worthy employee stories after a Reddit user posted a picture of a colorful local job ad this week.

The Now Hiring sign, which Reddit user CaptTripps86 said they saw posted at a local butcher shop, had a few blunt warnings for applicants.

“Please do not apply if you oversleep, have no alarm clock, have no car, have court often, have no babysitter every day, have to give friends rides to work later than we start work, experience flat tires every week, have to hold on to cell phone all day, or become an expert at your job with no need to learn or take advice after the first day,” the ad read. “Must be able to remember to come back to work after lunch. Should not expect to receive Purple Ribbons or Gold Star for showing up to work on time.”

The ad, which some users noted has been around for a few years, encouraged employers on the social media platform to share anecdotes about employees who came to them with creative and entertaining excuses to avoid a day’s work.

“We had a girl who legitimately told us (dead of summer) she hit a patch of ice and hit a telephone pole and couldn’t come to work,” one user, UsidoreTheLightBlue, said. “Comes back on Tuesday with the same car in perfect shape. ‘I got it fixed!’ It was a day.” 

Job ad
A hilarious job ad posted on Reddit inspired other employers to share the wildest excuses they’ve heard from employees who’ve called out sick.
Reddit

“My cat just had puppies was the best one I’ve heard,” another said. 

Other employers said they called employees’ bluff over questionable health scares. 

“I had someone call in saying her appendix had almost burst and she needed surgery,” one user shared. “Ok, fine but we were all worried. So we called her dad to ask what hospital she was at so we could send flowers and almost gave the poor man a heart attack because guess what? She was just hungover and didn’t feel like working. We royally blew up her spot and it was amazing. I don’t know what she expected was going to happen tho… it’s major enough surgery so you can’t exactly bounce back to work a day later. She really didn’t think that one through…”   

Several users chimed in to confirm that one does not simply “bounce back” from a burst appendix. 

“Someone used malaria to call a sick day in,” another user claimed. “I think the dude ran out of sickness and pulled that out hoping it sounds serious enough.”

One of the top Reddit comments was an employee’s admission that a sports event, the Chicago Blackhawks’ Stanley Cup win in 2013, once kept them from showing up to work.

“When the Chicago Blackhawks won the cup years ago almost half my company of 150 people called in with flat tires,” the user said. “When I showed up an hour late my boss asked what my excuse was. I was so hungover I told the truth because it hurt less than thinking. Everybody but me got written up.” 

Several users concluded that in today’s environment, even showing up to work every day means one is miles ahead of the average employee.

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